Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
