She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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