Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
