i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
