Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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