True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
