Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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