Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
