I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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