you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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