True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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