Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
