Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Randomize
