hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want her autograph on my taint
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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