i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
