The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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