and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize