I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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