my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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