Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
