Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
