Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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