Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
