i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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