Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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