Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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