Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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