ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
