it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
