Welp...herpes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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