There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
