Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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