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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize