Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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