im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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