Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
