if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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