i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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