Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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