just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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