I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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