Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
youre lurking in front of me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
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Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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