you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
