I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
