Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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