turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
