In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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