We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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