what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
