So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
