I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
