I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
