i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
