This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
