U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
