I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize