do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
