I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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