we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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