I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
