yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize