1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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