I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
