He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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