Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
